I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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