woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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