There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
