dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize
