We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
50% drunk capacity currently
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just want nice things and good sex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
