Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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