The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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