I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
