I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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