I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
