Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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