I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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