i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
pop tarts are not kleenex
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
