a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
