i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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