Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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