I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
