college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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