I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
