a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My cat gives me a boner
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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