Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
