P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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