Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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