I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
