Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
