we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
