My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
