Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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