Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
