i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
