So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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