Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
