Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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