IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
