How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
