All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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