You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
