I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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