wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
