We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
