Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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