Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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