when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
