I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
