i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
