I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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