Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
