Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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