Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
