Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
