If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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