Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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