It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
