Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
