last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
