He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
