Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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