Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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