Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
