Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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