i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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