dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
