My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
