he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
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My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize