if only i could text you this smell
lets start a swedish sibling band together
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
